They just need confusion.
A reflection inspired by BlakkMomba
“They don’t need scripture anymore. They just need confusion.” Wow Momba. I couldn’t have said it better myself. For those of yall who don’t know BlakkMomba… you’re missing out! They don’t need a fucking thing anymore if they have confusion. She was kind enough to send me some of her work and this line won’t leave me alone. “They just need confusion.” Literally. Do you know what confusion has taken from me?! Attempted to take from me?! From you!!! One of the most confusing experiences of my life was my first gynecology appointment. I was 14. You know how periods are supposed to be a week of bleeding and the rest was free? Yeah I had one week free. One week to not bleed. My friend told me to go to a doctor so I did. That man? “Man” He confused me. I didn’t understand why he wanted to be inside of me? Or why he had to see me naked? The bleeding was internal? There was no other way? Why did he think telling me a nurse had to be there would make me feel better? What was “procedure” for him felt like a debut on Pornhub to me… “You can bring your mom. And a friend!” Why would I invite more people to my vagina’s first viewing party???? And why is he… is he.. MAD???? Why is he yelling?! “BRING HER BACK WHEN SHES READY!” No explanation.. His only offerings? Disgrace me or berate me. I left in tears. So confused. I didn’t know older men wanted little girls. I didn’t know we were trophies. I didn’t know I was a prize to be won. — Confusion tried to steal a lot from me. The WOMAN gynecologist I went to? She looked at me like I was crazy! “You’re not supposed to go through that until you’re at least 20!” She didn’t leave me confused. She didn’t need to violate me. She just did her fucking job like she was supposed to. ANYBODY who is fine with confusion has something to gain. They are taking from you. Nobody who loves you gains a thing from your confusion. It would hurt them to leave you like that. Pain and evil live on to this day because everybody is so okay with being confused. “That doesn’t have to do with us.” “You are crazy!” “Well that just doesn’t make sense.” These are slave master’s tools. If you wanna know who you serve, look to who you can’t criticize. You wanna know who’s coming for you? Look for who lets you be confused. They say emotions are weakness and aren’t fact but I promise you this— confusion is their confession. Your feelings won’t lie and that’s for you.